More has happened in the last two years of our life than the six years we have known each other. The last time I REALLY blogged, my family was living in Round Rock, Texas. I loved living in Texas SO much. There was so many GOOD things that came from living there. The people were friendly, the weather was fabulous, our neighborhood was incredible, swimming every single day was a plus, and our friends were incredible. However, although there was many positive things about living in Texas, there were just as many negative things that really rocked our world. Isn't that kind of strange how that works?
My hubby went through more than I will ever know. It is a LONNNG story to go through all that took place (if you ask, I'm pretty open now to tell you, but for now...I'll leave out the details). Basically, Conner started suffering from severe depression which really took over who he was. It took over his every day life. I never really knew what depression was, until these past two years, and although I don't know what it feels like, I know what it is like to live with someone who has it, to be married to that person. It is not fun, but at least now I have a better understanding and sympathy for those who are dealing with it as well as those who have loved ones dealing with it.
From Texas, we made a two month crazy move to Las Vegas, Nevada. We had hopes things would change and get better by leaving Texas. That didn't exactly happen. Things were starting to get worse, especially our marriage. Some things that I consider 'blessings' occurred and we ended up moving in with my parents for nine months. Conner started working again in North Dakota driving a water truck in the oil fields. Things were kind of getting better. We still definitely had some hard days (with Conner's depression). In November/December, Conner started to get bad again which is when we decided that he would no longer work in North Dakota and we would move back to our home in Logan. We are currently back in Logan (which we are very happy with), and Conner is working a new job that my dad was able to get him. Although it was never Conner's dream job, and definitely nothing he ever pictured himself doing, it is a great job and we are grateful for it.
These past two years have definitely not only rocked our entire lives, but they have also rocked our faith. I don't know why or how I was able to be strong in the hardest of times, but I just knew deep down (and still know) that these things are happening for a reason. We don't understand why they happened, but I know that someday we will. I have been able to have that faith in knowing that things WILL work out. That is the reason why we are on this earth today, to go through trials. To test our faith and our relationship with Christ. I know that when you go through hard times, people usually turn to the Lord, or turn away. I am SO thankful that I have been able to turn to the Lord and have had the faith and hope that things will be ok. Unfortunately, my husband has done the opposite. I know he felt like going to Texas was what we needed to do, and then hell broke loose. He is bitter and upset. As heart breaking as it is to see him turn away, again my faith is carrying me through and telling me that things WILL be okay. I don't know when, but I know they will be.
During several times these past two years, it would have been very easy to walk away from these hard times and leave Conner in the dust. I am also thankful that I have been able to stick by his side no matter how hard it has been. There have been moments I have wanted to walk away, but I know that isn't the answer. I know that Conner needs me and he needs our kids to get him through rocky times. I love him so much, and although things are not perfect for us right now ( I don't think we will ever get to 'perfect') this is our life, this is the trials we have been faced with, and I know that if I can turn to Christ and put my trust and faith in him, then blessings will come. I still have a long ways to go to strengthen my testimony, some days are harder than others. I can't wait to get to that point where I no longer have to say that I have faith and hope that good things will come, and that I know things are happening for a reason and that I can say I KNOW blessings and good things have come to my family. I KNOW the lessons learned from these hard days. Until then...I just have to keep going each day at a time having the faith to get me through :)
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